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open my eyes to the things that matter.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Mondays in middle school are always current events homework for my kids.  So they search the news for something interesting... and most of the time I hate for them to do that.  Because I don't even watch the news.  Except for the weather.  Because I'm of the thought that there's enough bad just waiting to happen without me searching it out on my TV or computer. 

But I know the current events homework for my 2 oldest will today focus on the tragedy in DC.  And my thoughts keep going back to the idea that we were just there a few weeks ago on vacation - at the Navy yard - as guests at a Marine Corps function.  As odd as this sounds to some... like my husband... I've always had a time and space issue - confusion, really.... kind of like I missed one of the key childhood developmental steps required to be fully functional.  I have great trouble picturing and feeling the reality of things that are out of my view.  Like tragedies in other places.  But maybe that comes down to my natural selfishness.  Cue my post from yesterday about mercy and grace - and really, I just can't get enough. 

I've spent a lifetime trying to keep my kids from bad news.  And bad in general,... but it still comes. It seeps, it crawls, it finds.  And sometimes seeing the bad is easier than trying to manipulate and dig and find something good.  So we take it all in.  Like with the middle school current events social studies homework.  
And I don't know all the facts of the DC situation today.  And I'm not saying there's even one good thing to be found.  Bad is bad.  And we need to feel that  - on occasion - just as much as we need to feel the good - so the good actually means something to us. 

Yesterday Sam was given 2 stuffed bears at the estate sale next door.  He offered to pay, but the lady gave them to him.  I guess because he had been such a regular and loyal customer over the last 3 days.  But when she gave him the bears, I wanted to say.... lady, you have no idea what my boys are gonna do to those things.  (And there was at least one game of bear exterminator going on that I overheard.)  But I walked in the boys room this morning and sweet mother of Jesus, Sam had made up his bed.  And tucked in his new friends for the day.  And I fell in love with that little boy all over again. 

I fussed at David today for too often pointing out the negatives about our kids... for example, how our kids don't eat vegetables on their hamburgers - and other kids do.  Other kids also curse, and disrespect their elders.  So I think we actually got lucky with ours up to this point.  If anti-vegetable is the worse they ever do... I can live with no lettuce, onion and tomato. 

So for the current events of today.... my heart hurts for another terrible loss that can't be explained or excused.  My heart hurts that every time something like this happens, we either get more afraid and add another level of anger to what we already naturally have.   Or we become more and more used to it.  And it becomes our new normal.  And my heart hurts for the ones who are today dealing with a tremendous hurt that I can't even imagine. And no one should have to. 

So I think nothing good can be said for the events of the day in DC. But I can say that each time something like this happens, it opens my eyes to see the little things that matter.  To look past all the picky things that occupy my heart and mind.  And to purposely look for the good.  Just for today.  And get up and try it all again tomorrow.  So thank you little Sam, for being the good in my day.  For showing a heart of love for no other reason than to show love.   

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