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Parenting is like standing naked at the carwash

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Y'all.

Parenting, I've decided, is like standing naked at the car wash with a blank stare of confusion all over your face. 

Because I think it says this in the Bible... there's a time to sow, a time to reap,.. a time to be naked and a time to... NOT.  

And honestly, when you set out for the car wash on any given day, today perhaps,  you didn't go there to be naked and exposed, right?  You went there for good things - a clean car, a fresh start, a new beginning of sorts.  Throw in a free vacuum and I'm a customer for life.  But then, let's say, your son sucks your dress into the car wash vacuum tube quicker than you can say Don't suck my dress up in that vacuum.  And you're left standing there half naked, not in your favorite cozy place, and being looked at with fear from the kid that is certain you're about to kill him.  Right there.  With your bare hands.  Or maybe with the vacuum tube once you get your dress out of it and hands free.

That happened.  Ask anyone because there was indeed an audience.  And had I known I was to perform a burlesque show I would've planned ahead and invested in some feathery type underthings for the occasion.  

This weekend was pretty much parenting hell week.  Kinda' like in college where the kids try to do mean things to you to make sure you really want to be a part of their group.  But nothing can compare to parenting teens, I say.  Absolutely NOTHING.   Because this was the 24 hours I have been worried about for the last 14 years.  All come to life.  With scary fangs.  

In a 24 hour period, 2 kids fought, 1 kid wished death upon another, one snuck something that had already been taken away from him, and then completely snuck away on his getaway bike.  And.... one kid lied.  To me.  Which is a death wish, really, in my book.  A close second only to sucking your mom's dress up in the car wash vacuum.  But bad is bad and all stands equal in the eyes of mom who stood in a nearby room Saturday night as dad broke up the fight - headlocks, bodies slamming against walls,  - and cried, what the hell were we thinking

And really I'm not sure the difference between a rascal and a scoundrel.  But I would dare to guess that we have all those areas covered nonetheless.  And my brain is kind of numb from all the volleying back and forth of the last couple of days deciding if I would still like to see this mom job through to the end... or run away to a sunny island somewhere.  

But back to the question of the moment... what the heck were we thinking years ago when the doctor said it's a boy, it's another boy, and then for a third time... it's yet again another boy?  And I didn't run away screaming then because I didn't know all that the future held in the job of being mom.  And today even as I write this, I still don't know what's waiting around the next bend.  Hopefully I'll be fully clothed and prepared to handle whatever it is.    

But I guess we were thinking of babies and new beginnings and love.  And after I remove all the rough patches that come with the days of growing up, those first thoughts of starting a family are what remains constant.  There is still love, mixed in with a few threats and a runaway kid or two.  There is still hope mixed in with disappointment that pours down when trust is broken... and along with it, a heart or two.  

And there is still the promise of a new beginning.  The day after the fight or the lie or the whatever.  Because as we told the boys, as we took away every single thing in this world that they love - there is always a new beginning.  And now I trust you to do your best to find it. 

( And oddly enough... sitting at the park this afternoon with these boys, trying to take in our last warm afternoon for a while, I somehow find them leaning a little toward the side of charming after all, as they do dangerous things on the playground.  And spit.)  

post script....


Here is the cutie pie dress that I wore to church Sunday morning feeling all hippie-mod.  Till I was humbled before God and all of east Dallas and stripped naked of all my pride.  Thank you kid 2 for that. 

Oh, .... and I will check in here maybe later this week?  As the dust settles.  I've taken a bigger bite than I anticipated with this writing gig.  So this week I have two posts due for other sites.  And turns out when someone gives me an assigned writing topic, I revert back to my college days and my brain freezes with a bad case of I can't or I don't want to.  I get the 2 confused.  And stays that way till I feed it with some mindless TV and free time to let it get warm.  Or I go crying to that particular math professor and tell him that I'm giving up on the world as we know it if it involves calculus.  It's a wonder I ended up such a highly educated and respected woman of the world.   When I'm not working my other job as a stripper at the car wash.  

2 comments:

  1. Lol wow! That's one heck of a story. You will never forget that car wash. You're a great mom aunt Kristy, love u!

    ReplyDelete
  2. and the funny thing is that kid 2 will probably forget that car wash if he hasn't already.

    ReplyDelete

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