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Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Today I had a request to write a little bit about the boys and their back to school adventures.  And getting such a request made me feel all blogging famous for about 30 seconds.  Like what I think someone asking me for my autograph would feel like.  Remember that time I was recognized in the YMCA bathroom for a piece I wrote for my church and I felt like a celebrity?  A celebrity washing her hands in the YMCA bathroom, but Y'ALL... to be recognized for doing something well makes me all giddy inside. It's called encouragement and should be the 5th food group on the pyramid right behind fruits and vegetables and before whole grains. 

Me and Fireman Dave at Kid 3's football game last weekend.  We're kinda color coordinated but didn't plan it.  That would be weird and against all our relationship rules.  
 Oh my gosh.... husband and I had the weirdest exchange this morning.  Which has had me laughing all day.  I was in the bathroom with the door shut and I could hear husband talking to me... at least I thought he was talking to me, but around here you never really know.  So I said,.... What is it?   But husband apparently heard, Who is it?  So he introduced himself to me like we've never met before.  (Or really more like we had met before but then when he called me on the phone to ask me for a date because he had fallen immediately head over heels in love with me, ... I didn't know who he was.)  Which would also make me laugh, come to think of it.  But it would probably make him sad.  

So the weird part was that he stood outside the bathroom door, and said,..... Um.. It's me..... David.  

And I totally thought about pretending I had no idea who he was.  But I was laughing too hard and figured he was having a middle aged memory moment so I told him that I know exactly who he is and what the heck? - Have you lost your mind?  It was funny to me anyway.  Maybe you had to be in the bathroom with me to get the full humor of it all.  

This is when our sweet niece gave me and husband a free afternoon of together time on our vacation. But then she used that time to try to make the kids anti-Aggie and took them to the University of Texas football fan day.  So I came home and bought them all new Aggie t-shirts for college shirt days at school to make sure they understand the difference between right and wrong. 
So about those boys.... Pretty much all they're good for these days is throwing dirty laundry on the floor and telling me that my shirt is on inside out.  I'm predicting a day way into the future when I'm old and they take pleasure in telling me I've dribbled food down my chin.  

I actually think they've formed a plot to be mostly quiet and uneventful the past week so I wouldn't write about them on here.  I caught Kid 1 trying to read over my shoulder the other day as I typed... probably wondering if it was about him.....which totally makes me wonder what he was feeling guilty about.  But I claimed creative privacy and made him leave.  

But they all know they can read the blog anytime once it's published.   And I think when they're all grown and I'm either dead or not, they'll sit around and talk about how I made their private lives a fishbowl for the world to watch them swim.   Ladies and gentlemen: the story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.  That's actually the opening line to Dragnet.... and it should probably be my opening line for every post.  

I saw a movie not long ago about a girl who was the subject of children's books her entire life - her parents were the authors.  So she was famous world wide for her storybook life that may or may not have mirrored the real thing.  Anyway, she grew up to be a total psycho and possibly a serial killer.   Kinda makes me stop dead in my blogging tracks and question my choices.   

General info.... nameless and numberless kids - you know... to protect the innocent.  I had a request to buy stronger deodorant and breath mints.  No, not for me.  For a kid.  I think love is in the air.  Fresh breath and sweet body smells sure look like signs of romance to me.  It might be time to bring out that book I've had hidden away for years.  The one I ordered with the serious intent of sharing it with the boys as a supplement to what their wonderful dad has already taught them.  But I looked at the content and quickly hid it in a drawer.  The book, What's Going on Down There, turned out to be a total expose' on what's really going on down there - and if they hadn't already thought about it, they sure would after reading that book.  And I just haven't been ready for them to know what they aren't emotionally ready to know yet.  Maybe it's me that's not ready. 

Because I'm totally one of those moms who, when sitting around during family time, and all of a sudden an ad for erectile dysfunction comes on TV... or one of those awful medication ads where they list the 200 side effects that can happen to you if you take it - usually involving, again, erectile dysfunction.... I totally start doling out chores.  Or talking about baby animals.


Because growing up is happening so fast.  I've had real distress since school started and repeating to the world a million times what grades the boys are in now.  9th, 8th, 6th.  One in high school, two in middle school.  Then someone will inevitably say how they're growing up and then ask what ever I'll do with myself in a few years?  So I suggested to husband that I may need another baby.  He said no.  And then I suggested we get one of those adorable Ethiopian babies that the movie stars get and we could have a new baby experience but I wouldn't have to actually do it.  He still said no.  So then I finally just asked him what the heck we'll do with each other once the kids are grown.  He says I need a hobby.  

This was a few months ago - Kid 1 all dressed up for his 8th grade dance.  No, I did not go
 So back to school..... 

Kid 1 is a Freshman this year.  And I happen to think he's the handsomest boy in the entire school.  I would totally have a crush on him if I were 15 and not his mother.  He's playing football and he auditioned and got accepted into jazz band.  So I'm thankful he's able to use his guitar skills for the good of mankind - by that I mean for his own good.  Because he had gotten terribly lazy about it.  He needed a push and I'm glad he has a teacher to do it for him instead of me.  

He has football practice daily till about 7 in the evening and that's been good for him as well.  Idle hands are the devil's workshop.  SO TRUE in the case of teen boys.  So I love the coaches for getting him good and tired before he comes home  each day.  (aside..... our new athletic director at the high school sounds just like Trace Adkins - the tight jeans, pony tail wearing country singer -  and I keep expecting him to break into a chorus of Honky Tonk Badonkadonk any minute.  I'm gonna ask him if he knows that one.) 

Kid 1 reported this week, however that all in one day he discovered a scary guy in the school hallway lurking outside the band hall door and then moments later, a crazy fella hiding in the bathroom acting way too familiar and asking to borrow Kid 1's green phone charger.  (Kid 1 doesn't have a green phone charger.)  Anyway, lesson learned and he decided that the middle of third period isn't a good time to go to the bathroom.  

family summer selfie at the arboretum. I love love love Kid 2.

Kid 2 is in 8th grade at the same middle school he's been at the last two years.  A perfectly safe, good environment but I have some serious doubts that they're actually learning anything.  It has yet to be seen if he will someday contribute to society in an educated, professional way.  But his drum teacher - a fireman friend - thinks Kid 2 is wonderful.  So he's getting the thumbs up on good and polite behavior away from home and that's exactly what a mother wants.  Now I can die happy.  

He bought a knife the other day when we went to the First Monday Trade Days in Canton.  Kind of a West Side Story switchblade type weapon.  He used it to slice an avocado for me this week.  And he was so polite to the knife sales person that the guy threw in another weapon absolutely free!  Kid 2 is a winner all around.  

Cutie pie Kid 3.  His smile makes me smile. 
Kid 3 has started playing football for a league that we thought was local.  But we obviously didn't ask the right questions.  It's turned out to be a traveling team and we spent half our Saturday in North Richland Hills at a pee wee league football game and the other half of the day driving around North Richland Hills trying to find the entrance to the Chick Fila for lunch.  (and FYI... we live as far away from North Richland Hills as we do from the moon.)

Kid 3 also has a before school party every morning at our house beginning about 7:15.  This morning before school, including my own kids, I had 9 boys here till I left the house for work at 8:00.  The friends show up here and use our house as home base to meet and walk to school together.  Which I think is the greatest idea in the world since this is their first year in a rather rough and tumble middle school environment and I like to think there's strength in numbers.  So they arrive one by one or in pairs, come in, play with the dog for a bit and wait for Kid 3 to finish eating breakfast.  Then they play basketball on the driveway till time to go.  This morning I caught one of them climbing up the basketball goal of the next door neighbor  - like a monkey - trying to adjust the height of the hoop.  So I sent Kid 1 out to yell at him that we only own what's on our side of the driveway and for him to climb on something dangerous over this direction.  

I think middle school is going to be a challenge for us all with Kid 3.  He's trying to make a fresh start with grades and effort and his privilege of playing football lies in the balance.  We're hoping for the best.  More on that later.  

So that's it.  I feel all warm and fuzzy inside bragging about my boys.  Thanks for asking about them!

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