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I can only do so much

Saturday, September 9, 2017

I think I've been in another one of those empty spaces where I've been trying to figure out things.  Which in a variety of different scenarios... could be either good or bad.

I really think I walked away from here for a few weeks because, as I've said so often, I question my place, my purpose,  - my influence, even.  But sometimes its just that its so crazy loud and messy around here that I can't hear myself think.  That and Kid 2 has gotten off to a roaring start in school and has decided, being the new, dedicated student kind of man that he possibly always secretly dreamed of becoming... to start tackling his homework on a daily basis.  But on our laptop... our ONLY laptop.  And then by the time he's done, I'm already asleep.  I tried to watch a movie with him last night and couldn't keep my eyes open past 9. 

So there.  Sometimes bloggers disappear.  If this should happen, please come looking for me, and a special thank you to those who already have.

Let's catch up.

I think I need to put this info out on my permanent record  - for permanent record's sake .... If  I am found passed out in my car at any time in the coming days, it could be for many reasons really, but mostly because my air conditioner went out on my car last week.  The repair shop says they fixed it but I think they forgot about the part where noxious fumes come out of the air vents.  

I had to drive a rental all week, which explains why I've tried to get into at least 3 different cars that didn't belong to me - yesterday's clue.... um, that's not my pink sweater in the passenger seat, and hey, why won't the doors unlock.   But I think it important to note that Fireman Dave got a really good fireman discount when we went to get the car today from the shop... which makes the poisonous fumes seem so much better, in a weird sort of way.

So THIS is happening...  
Hello cute Kid 1!  Friday Night Lights here we go.... Y'all remind me to take my stadium seat with me, though.  Those games are long even for us proud mamas.  

And a short season of Fall baseball for Kid 2.  That's him down front, #3.  

And since I don't have a team pic of Kid 3 yet, though football is coming for him, I'll just share that THIS happened a few weeks ago.  More candles than I even want to count for this sweet boy, but I love that I've gotten to share each day of them.  

Oh, and I bought a couch.  But getting the couch in the house was like pushing an elephant up a hill.  First I had to clear out all the old stuff we had stuffed in here.  Trust the meaning of that word, STUFFED, in this particular usage.  So I tried every online sale site in the land, only to find out that people in general are liars liars pants on fire.  For two weeks I listed my heart out on garage sale site after site, trying to give the stuff away..... and had people actually come to the house and commit to taking it.  But then leave and never come back.  Maybe they found something better... which is totally possible after the Walters have lived on furniture for the past 10 years.  Maybe they just didn't have the heart to tell me to take down all the sale listings because I was embarrassing myself by letting people see how we've been living in here.   Or maybe they just went out for ice cream and forgot to come back.  Anyway, people are people and it turns out they don't really want used furniture off Facebook Marketplace so trust my experienced expertise on this and just put your old couch out for the big trash.  It'll save you a whole lot of trouble and shield you from the myriad of crazy people who pretend shop for old furniture on Facebook.  I ended up giving the entire set to my occasional housekeeper and I love that she had a need.  She is going to take a few more things from me soon as well... once I get organized enough to get it ready to move.

The new couch arrived last week and for perspective purposes, y'all, it happens to be huge. Huge as in... I could invite every blog reader over here to sit on it and we could play musical chairs around it for a very long time since everyone would always find a seat.  Its my first sectional sofa and my biggest regret is that I was overcome by car fumes or something when I chose an almost white fabric.  How do cheetos and koolaid stains look on a white couch?  I hope good. 

Anyway, I loved it like crazy in the store, but now I'm second guessing myself and can't decorate a room to save my life.  I think maybe the couch just needs a little bit of heart and home... code words for Hey boys, invite all your friends over and have everyone sit and do whatever they usually do to break it in really good.  That ought to do it. 

In deeper news, and in answer to the most asked question of late.... What is REALLY going on?  Ummm...  drug overdoses at the middle school level.  Yes it happened at Kid 3's school.   Insecurities and grumpiness at the high school level.  Kid 2 says that every day of 10th grade is longer than Moses lived.  Now that's a long day, especially if it involves algebra and chemistry.  

And of course, the continuing saga of The Young and the Restless . Romeo and Juliet.   I mean Kid 1 and Princess Chatterbox.     Seriously, when I get a text from Kid 1 saying that he is about to be at a church garage sale with Princess C and then going to bathe her grandmother's dogs, I have to stop and ask myself,... what the h -e - double hockey sticks is happening here?  This is a story unto itself and I'll let it stay that way for now. 

We made the parental decision years ago to have the boys attend our local Dallas ISD schools, and tossed aside the norm of the day of moving each and every kid to the suburbs.  We love our neighborhood, and we knew we wanted to invest in the schools in a way that would last beyond the age of our kids.  And to do that, it takes more than charitable contributions and volunteer work, it takes us enrolling our kids in schools that the rest of the world is afraid of .  And when we chose to go the inner city school  route, our hope was that  the values that our kids have been taught would slowly and regularly seep into the fabric of the day - that our kids would be the teachers about family and rules and boundaries and faith.  About persistence, caring and integrity.  About hard work and dedication and mostly about simply doing what is right.  

But I find myself chatting on the phone with Fireman Dave - since he basically lives at the station or at the hurricane shelter these days - and questioning our choice.  Did we empower our kids by sending them into the real world so early?  Or did we sentence them to limited prospects with the potential for certain doom?  

Kid 3 saw some iffy things at the middle school the other day.  But he talked to us both about it and that's good.  Y'all, its better than good.  It is everything when raising a teenager.  And if we can keep that communication going, I don't worry so much about what he's seeing.  I tend to be more thankful that he sees, learns, and moves onward and upward.  

All my boys are learning to deal with a culture that doesn't often look like ours at home.  They tell me daily about the profanity, the gangs, the drugs and general sense of loss that so many of the students get stuck in.  Maybe that's the case for all secondary level schools, but I tend to think its more in the ones where the kids are more often than not, raising themselves, and looking at their peers to figure out how to do it.  I have a big ol' long prayer that I say every day for these boys as they start a new day.  Remind me to share that with you sometime.  I totally know if by heart because it comes straight from it every time. 

And the Kid 1 romance?  Here's where I think I am on this - right now anyway.  It isn't what I would want for him at this age.  But I've decided that I can only do so much.  And that includes setting limits, boundaries, and being consistent with the follow through.  I can tell him that the choices he is making today will affect his forever... but that's just gibberish to a kid.  So really all I can do is say that he needs to stay in line with our rules, no questions asked on that one.  And beyond that, wish him well with his decisions, actions and consequences.  

It's taken a lot of praying for me to be able to say that.  And I'm not done praying.  But I'm the first one to tell you that the power of prayer only goes half way, we have to meet God where we are now, and work with what we've been given.  

I'm trying.

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