Monday, August 19, 2013

I woke up in love with my son again today.

I woke up in love with my son again today.  Notice I said, AGAIN?  Because there have been some days of late that I haven't been lovin him to the moon and back.  Just wishing I could send him to the moon -  and bring him back post adolescence.  Last night I had just driven into the garage after a quick errand when I got a text from a friend asking how my evening is going... and my reply was this:  " I am just this second hiding from my kids in my car, in the garage, and debating whether to go inside or drive off into the sunset." 

We did some fun stuff yesterday.  And the kids were fed and clothed, and given opportunities that others would be thankful for.  But the thanksgiving part of the day was forgotten by someone.   I think the more comfortable we get around each other, the easier it gets to just say stuff.  STUFF.  Stuff that maybe shouldn't be said.  Stuff that we wish we could take back. And it goes both ways.  It gets easier to NOT say the things that maybe we should.    

But after a come to Jesus meeting between me and prince charming last night, I started finding notes around the in the fridge that says, " I'm thankful for my food."  One on the washer that read, " I'm thankful for clean clothes." Maybe he's like his momma.  Sometimes the thoughts just come easier in writing.

 We've always been a togetherness kind of family.  Pizza and movie nights - legs entwined on the couch, heads on a neighboring shoulder... just enjoying together time.  But we had together time minus one kid the other night.  And that, I have to admit, is a lonely feeling for a mom.  But like I mentioned earlier, I woke up in love with my son again today.  I saw his efforts put into the notes he left around the house for me.  He's trying in his shy 12 year old way to get the words out. And I love him for trying.  This morning he paused to sit with me on the couch, talked a while, and I saw some of my little boy again.  I love him all the time.  No mistaking that.  But I'm learning to love in a new way.  And I'm learning to love a new young man. 

I'm not in love enough to fool myself into thinking the battles are fought and won...... but I'm in this till the end, maybe posting cries for help on Facebook,maybe even hiding in my car.

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