Thursday, October 3, 2013

31 days of praying God's heart for my children. Go big or go home. Day 3

When I was expecting my oldest, I had an intimidating fear of loss.  A paralyzing fear, really.  Because I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anything.  Because at that time, I had just walked through a tremendous loss of several people I loved dearly, sending me into a period of depression and  nightmares and plenty of reasons to see loss as my new constant companion.  

So I prayed what seemed to be a never ending prayer of thanksgiving for his little life growing each day.   And I prayed, really, what I remember now as begging prayers for him to be safe and get here and to finally be mine.   Please, please, PLEASE... just let me have this one thing, God.  (I have many times tried the deal making technique......)

 And when my son got here 5 weeks early - but healthy - I started feeling like I could settle in.  I thanked God for my precious gift, but over time I got comfortable enough that I wasn't checking in with daily words of thanksgiving and requests for guidance and protection .... till I needed it again.  And needing it again came around about school age when the kids were no longer in my constant care.

So looking at my prayer patterns.... my track record.... I am a situational prayer giver.  A time of need God talker/ beggar/deal maker.   

And I just find it so strange.... so unlikely.... so unlike ME.... that I went from a moment to moment, hand on the belly to feel if he was still alive kind of mom, pleading for him.... to a mom that started saying little prayers like, please bless my kids today.  What does that even mean? 

I was just reading an article about praying for our kids... and there are lots of different ones out there if you look.  But this one had one particular keeping point for me.  It was like my gym theory with a client... go big or go home.  Don't waste my time and yours with attitude and effort less than 100%.  So why would God, who is able to move mountains - our mountains.... want to hear a vague little prayer of wishing a blessing on my kids for the day.  

He wants to hear us and from us.  And he has promised to be available if only we ask.  And there's nothing wrong with praying for little things.  But when it comes to my kids I want to go big or go home.  I don't want to doubt what God can do by not asking for it.  I want to give it my mom best shot , with focus and strength of belief.  

He wants our praise.  He wants our discussion.  And he wants to hear what we need - to hear us say it and ask it -  even if he already knows.  And in saying it and claiming it, we are giving our concerns over.  Give God your specifics.  Tell him what you need and want.  In detail, with confidence, knowing that he is able to provide.  And with that confidence, speak those prayers and go about your day trusting in a God that heard your every thought and word.  

Day 4... do those big prayers work?  I don't know.

(Missed a past post in the 31 day series?  Go to the top tab on my home page labeled 31 days.  All links are there.  )


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