Thursday, October 31, 2013

And he can find her dead body in the parking lot of the crazy dentist.

As she chewed her calcium supplement, chocolate flavor, because bone health is super important at her age..... she heard a loud crack.  And shuddered to think... To think that it might be,  THE TOOTH.  The tooth that led her to the scary dentist the first time.  The dentist that didn't know what the $%#@ he was doing and gave her 2 injections of that stuff that numbs the mouth.

But the scary dentist didn't listen when she said she couldn't feel her face.  And he shot her again.  A second time.  And he got out his sharp tools that make haunted house noises and filled her cavity.  Proud of himself and his young dentist skills, he sent her away.  But she still couldn't feel her face.  The entire right side of her face.  And suddenly she could no longer blink.  Full frontal half face paralysis, I think the diagnosis would be.  Eye drying out like a fish out of water - except for the tears of terror thinking she was having a stroke in the dentist parking lot.  Had she known what she knows now - that he was just an inexperienced dentist kind of crazy - she would've marched her half numb face and slurring words back into his office and yelled to him that he is a monster.  And that all this must be some sort of cruel joke, a Halloween spooky tale.  The one about the lady who can no longer blink, and slurs her words like a drunk.

But she didn't go back in.  Afraid she might drool in public, she chose to stay in the car and dial her emergency professional husband.  And tell him that she may or may not be having a stroke and he can find her dead body in the parking lot of the crazy dentist. 

But husband sent her on her way. Driving home with one eye stuck all the way open and a bottle of eye drops for frequent moisture. And to avoid a collision. 

And she arrived home still in a panic.  But thankful for the contractor there painting her bathroom.  And she pathetically entered the house, told the man that though she looks like a freakish tale from beyond, husband feels with complete confidence that she won't die anytime soon.  But to be on the lookout just in case.  And she tells the man how thankful she is that he is there.  And to report her death as needed.  But to go on ahead and finish painting the bathroom.  Because it's looking really good.

And in the end.... about 2 hours later, the numbness wore off and her blink returned.  And she was no longer the freakish lady in the red brick house.  She was home.  And had walked through a nightmare with a brand new filling in her back molar.  

And this Halloween, following the loud cracking sound of the tooth... she decided that maybe calcium chews and bone health aren't really all that important for now.  And that maybe she'll move on to the big bowl of trick or treat candy to test out the tooth instead. 

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