Sunday, October 27, 2013

My words have gone on an island vacation.

I wish I could say that I loved volunteering for the school carnival for the 8th year in a row.  I wish I could say that I wanted to bake all that stuff for the OTHER school event the day before.  And I wish I could say that I still had the same volunteer spirit and motivation that I had when my kids first started school.  But the truth is... I'm tired.  I'm burned out.  I'm happy to share the work load with the newer parents.

I wish I could say that my son didn't spend a miserably wet weekend camping with scouts.  But he did.  And I was worried sick about the severe weather and wished he was home.  I'm weak that way.  I also wish I didn't have to do all the camping laundry.  But I do, and I am. 

I wish I wasn't worried about my youngest at his second sleepover ever... and as we speak, partying on a karaoke party bus with 12 of his closest 10 year old friends. 

I wish I didn't eat so much sugar this weekend.  But I did. 

And I wish that man at the grocery store didn't mistake my cart for his and stick things I didn't even mean to buy in there.  DO NOT touch a woman's grocery cart uninvited.  Now I wish I didn't have to go back and return stuff to the store.  But I do.  And I will. 

Just little inconveniences.  That seem to grow when I'm tired or just in a mood.

And I've been in that same mood for a bit now.  I feel like my words have gone away on an island vacation and left me here with the laundry and dishes.   And that even if I had words, maybe they aren't super powered vitamin filled insightful useful and wanted words. And  I feel like someone around here better do something funny really fast.

Because a woman's heart feels lonely sometimes.  And tired sometimes.   And a mom's heart feels the same, but with the added bonus of worry and hope kinda all mixed together in a worry + hope soup.  But my heart, filled with all of that bigness, still has room for this.... thankfulness for the little things that make the other stuff feel.... not so big.  Not so bad.  Not so tiresome and inconvenient.

Thankful that my son was cared for by his scout leaders in the bad weather and all made it home safe.  Home is good.  Thankful for a special date night with kid 2.    My sweetheart that will eat vegetarian with me and let me choose the movie.  He's gonna make a great husband one day.  Thankful that my little guy and I made an apple pie this afternoon.  Just because he wanted to.  And that made me want to. 

So maybe this funk I've been in lately is one of those necessary times.  To make me look for the good when my mood keeps looking for the bad.  What if these quiet times, when I quit talking for a while, are the times God needs me to listen? 

Would you like to comment?

  1. Always love reading your blog-brings back memories. Just to let you know, from one who is on this side of child raising, you will survive & will hold on to those good times! The tough times will be in the background though deeply embedded in your heart forever.


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