Friday, January 31, 2014

My secret desire to be a superhero....but only kinda'

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer.  Psalm 19:14

I've been working on a post about the power of words.  The power to build or tear down, to encourage or hurt, to bring fear or comfort.  And before I could write with any confidence about such things, I had to take a good look at my own words.  Admittedly direct, to the point, and far too often spoken without a lot of thought.  And I had to deal with some issues of my heart and speak words of honesty to some who were long overdue hearing from me.   

And the funny thing is that words have always been huge to me.  I listen, I take it all in, and I put value on each one.  And to be the one that splinters a relationship because of words is not something I ever want to do.  But I probably have.  

To me words are like little pieces of myself that I leave all around.  Around my house, my family, work, my friends - my calling cards, really.  The building blocks of me - maybe the first to make an impression for good or bad, and a lasting reminder for the world to see who I really am.  As my 12 year old is so terrified of in the public school system.... my permanent record.  He's convinced that we all have one in a big ol' permanent record database that can be accessed by teachers everywhere.  They have put the proverbial fear of god in that child. 

This week I had a talk with a friend.  And she is that.  But even in close friendships and family relationships, words can slowly tear apart all the time that has been invested.  So we discussed and laid out a new plan and a new beginning of what is acceptable communication between the two of us.   And it'll be nice to see how all that works out. 

God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.  2 Timothy 1:7

And small world, or maybe God's big eyes on me in his giant world - but I ran across this scripture this week.  Just by chance.  And I like it because it's one of empowerment.  One of courage.  And I wish I had taken this to heart long ago.  Because I grew up in an environment way too full of hurt and anger and careless words being thrown around.  And instead of just saying stop, instead of just saying no, I listened and took it all to heart.  And my heart has hurt for years because of it. 

And I don't want that anymore.  I want my words to be kind and true, honest and uplifting.  But I also want my words to have the power to protect my heart  - not with walls of hurt, fear or anger - but with knowledge that I deserve better.  Because God made us all to deserve his best.

And this verse tells us to be of courage.  I think it actually tells us that we already have built in courage.  And that courage can build a wall around our hearts so we can face with confidence anyone trying to break us or make us think we deserve less than the best for ourselves.  We can set limits on what is and what is not good for us.  We can speak out on our own behalf to stand up to the wrongs that are just floating freely all around us.

And gosh, I want my kids to see a brave mom.  Maybe even a superhero mom who defends against evil by day and still makes it home to get a home cooked meal on the table by 5.  I want them to know me as a mom that will defend what is right and fight against what is wrong.  I want them to see me with courage and confidence to not shy away from things that need to be said, and to argue against those that need to be kept quiet.

For your days ahead.... may they be filled with the courage of the lord.  With the love that has been poured into you to build you up. And may your days be overflowing with words of kindness, love and encouragement.  Spoken and heard. 

Would you like to comment?

  1. This is my first FMF and you're the person before me. I'm so glad I found your blog today.

    The psalm you inserted at the beginning of your writing connects to the big message of this blog post, Kristi. It is one I know well since it's recited every Shabbat (and at other points during the week) in Hebrew.

    Don't we all want our kids to see us as brave? We want to be that superhero mom. But gosh, it's really hard. Sometimes it feels like all of the plates are spinning, doesn't it.

    Beautiful writing, Kristi.


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