Sunday, April 6, 2014

So I've had to ask myself some things. Things regarding the why of the blog. Do I want to worry if you like me or not? No I do not.

There are times that I feel overwhelmed when I just shouldn't feel overwhelmed.   And times I feel like I've taken on more than I should have.  And when I feel like I'm just doing stuff all wrong. 

And this little place, my corner of the internet used to be a place of sweet rest for me.  A place of comfort and security and thoughtfulness.  But as of late, it really hasn't been.   Too often lately it's turned into a place of worry and stress and what ifs.  And why nots.  And I don't knows.  

So I've had to ask myself some things.  Things regarding the why of the blog.  

Because it all started out as a place for me to write simply for the gift of writing.  And for my kids to get to know me better as they grow old enough to read along.  But then it became something else, too.  It became a public place - where everyone knows my ups and downs and all arounds.  And I love y'all knowing all that.  Because all the time I hear people tell me that what I write makes them feel normal.  Because I am 100% grade A normal - nothing more, nothing less.   And truthful.  And some other things.

But I'm at a place where I have to wonder if I'm doing all this for the right reasons anymore.  Because my words used to come faster than I could type.  And they came from a place that I never even knew I had.  And along the way I realized that those words were not mine at all.  That I was just the one doing the typing.  

And lately I've had a little ugly feeling that maybe I've lost sight of the original plan for this little space.  My little spot got lost... and if I may, and you know I must, quote the lovely Miranda Lambert on this one.... I got lost in this old world and forgot who I am. So I promptly administered the heart of Kristi survey....

Am I a writer?  No I am certainly not. 

Am I a blogger? Kinda and only sometimes. I'm good for about one post a week. Maybe two.  More than that and I risk sacrificing quality control and my soul along with it. 

Do I want to continue to share my days with you?  Yes I do.  Absolutely. 

Do I want to worry if you like me or not?  No I do not.  

Do I want to worry if I am growing a booming readership?  Uh Uh.  Nope. 

Do I want to write for the hearts that need to hear what words I am blessed to share?  Yes.

(And on another note... Do I know what to feed the kids for dinner tonight? No I do not.)

But I think the survey of my heart has called me by the right name. A child of God that when and if my heart is in tune to the right place and motivation, I can do some kinda good things.  And the survey also says  - with my whole heart -  that this place has to be a place for worship.  And a place for sharing.  And for caring and giving, and telling and encouraging.

And it can't be made to be more than that.  Or bigger than that.  Not now anyway.  So as you read along on occasion, please help a girl out.  Pray for me as I listen for the words I'm asked to say.  That my heart will be open to the right motivation and message that is needed to reach into this giant world today.  

And y'all.... you and you and you, too,.... you can do the same.  With the kindness of spirit that God has placed in you -  you can change a day and maybe even a life for the better.  

Thank you for each time you share a part of your day here.

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