Thursday, February 19, 2015

And then I'll just bust out crying for my daddy in the cereal aisle

Is there ever a time in a girl's life where she gets to the point that tears just don't flow so super easy?  Like when I hear a song that makes me cry in the parking lot about to head into the grocery store.  But then I'm all a mess and can't go in because I might run into someone I know and they'll ask what's wrong that's making me look a fright.  And then I'll just bust out crying for my daddy in the cereal aisle.  Or in honor of my dad, maybe the beer aisle.  

Blame it on girl hormones.  Blame it on the fact that my headache has lingered for days and the vertigo is all good and well till I lay down and try to get back up again.  And then I need a cane.  Or maybe just get me a full fledged walker for support.

Maybe it's because 2 of the brothers got into a fight before school this morning that resulted in cuts and scrapes on one of them and Chapter 201 of I've Got a Sucky Attitude from the other.  

Maybe it's because I was crazy and thought all our living room furniture smelled like dog and I started the long process of stripping and washing all the slipcovers on everything and now I'm cursing the day we got a black haired stinky dog.  

Maybe it's because I stood in the return line at Walmart today trying to return something only to be turned away and told I have to go to another store location for this particular transaction... when the return line under any circumstance at Walmart is already enough to provoke tears.  

Maybe it's because I'm dreading 4:30 today when kid 1 and his team of middle school big kids will take on kid 3 and his team of 5th graders on the basketball court because someone thought this may be a good idea.  Maybe it's because I'm practically a meteorologist only that I don't predict tornadoes and hurricanes of the weathery kind ... but I have mom sense that can see a storm brewing from a mile away.  And this one just can't turn out well. 

Maybe it's because a lady fell in a class today and hit her head on the floor and laid there looking at me all dazed and sad.  And I just wished I could rewind the previous 60 seconds and play it all over again but stand next to her and catch her before she fell.  

Maybe it's that I had 4 classes today and I never got to eat anything till about 2:30 and that was a vegetarian, high protein cookie from the checkout line at the sports supply store where I spent at least an hour trying to find waterproof pants for kid 1 to go on a rainy weekend camping trip with scouts.  

Maybe it was all of the above plus the fact that I totally forgot to remember my dad on the anniversary day of his death.  Which I thought I would never forget.  But I did. Because I got too busy living a life of my own that I forgot to remember another life wonderfully lived.  

And y'all, I'm not a big observer of death anniversaries or anything like that.  And I don't do anything special in remembrance when they roll around, but I think there's something to be said for taking time to be thankful for the life I have today because of all the time spent with people I loved.   

Maybe I'll always cry when I miss someone because somehow I just ended up with a heart like that.  Maybe I'm one of those people that has, over time, put layer upon layer of piled up uncaring into pieces of my heart because in some areas I've had to.  But somehow a few parts stayed in their natural state of tenderness and need. (I also cry in almost every Disney movie and each and every time a kid choir sings at church.  I'm completely weird that way.)

And I think it's just normal for a girl to sometimes miss her dad, and wish for another chance to get some things right. 

So here's the song I mentioned that kept me from grocery shopping because of a heavy and thoughtful heart.  And it's not really a sad song at all.  Beautiful, in fact, I think for its reminder of hope in seeing loved ones again. 


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  1. Christi Harris-LazaroFebruary 20, 2015 at 10:14 AM

    Beautiful song! The tears started flowing. Sometimes I think that we need those moments to just cry and let it all out. I may be watching a sad movie or hear a sad song, I've even cried when I opened the door one night and it was snowing and so beautiful. The the crying may start out by a triggered event but always ends up about my dad or brother or something that might be waying heavy on my mind or things just built up over time. I miss my daddy too. Thanks for sharing.


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