Saturday, March 21, 2015

Here are 2 phrases I've heard myself say this week. Guess which one is true and which one is false....

Here are 2 phrases I've heard myself say this week.  Guess which one is true and which one is false....

a.  A big brother is a substitute parent when I can't be there.
b.  Our car smells like sweat and old cheese.

I actually think both statements are true but kid 1 argued the point when I asked him to look out for kid 3 this weekend on his first ever independent Boy Scout camping trip.  So statement a is true for parents, I guess, but not so much if you are a Walters boy being asked to do something nice for a sibling.

And statement b was definitely true when I said it because I had just hauled 7 fifth grade boys to and from a school basketball game and I may or may not have been the only one who had taken a bath in several days.

And here is a picture of how my breaker boxes turned out after husband gave in and painted them.  But he took the time to cover and protect the manufacturer name on the box just in case anyone wants to know who made it or in the event of a power outage I need confirmation that those are, indeed, still the breaker boxes.

Which leads me to the real point of this conversation.  Which is that I just don't understand men.   So if you are a man reading this, help me out and explain how y'all work.  You can do that in the comments section below.   

And today kid 2 and I went shopping for laundry room art.  Did you even know there was such a category?  Husband thinks that the mop and broom holder on the wall is perfectly good laundry room art  - and that I should just leave well enough alone.  So we agreed to disagree and he took those things down the same day he painted the breaker boxes.  Anyway, now I'm obsessively compulsive about finding just the right wall art to make my laundry room experience a little better.  I already have a fancy pants chandelier in there so I may as well just go all the way and turn the place into a palace.  

What do y'all think of this one? 

When I get it all done I'll show you, and you will definitely want to move in there to live.  It is, in fact, where kid 3 lived for several months of his infant life till he learned not to cry all night in the middle of the night waking up brothers and making the next day hellish for mommy.  He recommends the laundry room suite to all our guests. 

So our search for laundry room art took us to Hobby Lobby today which I had no idea was such a huge store.  And kid 2 and I got separated for a while and when we reunited somewhere around the mile wide wall art section, he was losing patience with trying to decide between floral prints versus mirrors with hooks,  and proclaimed that I myself had begun to look a little glassy eyed like this guy that we met at the wildlife place last week....

And that I needed a candy bar.  So I said yes sir, and chose a Snickers bar which made us laugh and think about this commercial that we saw not long ago....

And our garage door finally arrived, 2 months almost to the day of us ordering it and being told it would arrive in one month.  So either someone at Home Depot lies a lot or they lost our door until my blog saved the day.  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the blog saved the day.  Because it apparently has a little search engine of its very own.  So I went in there and typed the words garage door and it showed me every post where I said those exact words.  Which was only 2 posts but I thought it was more.  Really more, because it was always on my mind... like Willie Nelson sings in that sad country song.   But he was talking about a woman that he did wrong and wished he had done better by her.  So many similarities.  

So after we figured out that we've been waiting for half our lives for the  new door and that we've already been paying for it... husband called and tracked it down.  And voila!  Here she is.  Still needs some trim and a new garage light because kid 2 just broke the one that's out there last week playing basketball.  They also broke the neighbor's dryer vent on her outside wall - so claims the neighbor - when overheard speaking to her dryer vent repairman.  

Anyway, if you want to search the blog for, say,... how many times I've used the word sucky to describe my very existence, you can.  And it will pull up 4 posts.  How accurate is that?  And I have to say that I'm super glad that it only pulled up 4 posts where the world in general or something like it was bad.  Because this blog - the mirror of my soul -  would be on the verge of pathetic if it were more. 

And it's raining again for about the 1000th day in a row.  But I finally got some  rain boots.  They're purple and kinda cute and I chose them because of course it was raining, and this was the only pair left in the store in my size.  And the big yellow size tag that Marshall's likes to put on the bottom of the shoes was found stuck this afternoon on my car door.  And I shudder to think of all the places that tag could've been stuck for days and no one would've said a word to me about it. 

Because I apparently taught class the other day with giant mascara blotches on my face and no one told me.  Till 2 hours and an unsuspecting walk through the gym later to the bathroom where I had to discover it myself.  That was the same day I almost fell down in class.  So then and there I declared it to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.  But I didn't use the word sucky.

My dad once walked around somewhere with a pants size tag stuck on his behind.  And no one told him for a long time, but my mom laughed when someone finally did.  And once I saw a lady coming out of the bathroom in a department store with her skirt all tucked up inside her panties.  And as much as I hated to be the one to tell her, I did because I'm weird kind that way. 

Ladies do not let other ladies walk around the mall or anywhere with our skirts tucked in our panties.  That's just a rule.  

(I also once told a lady who looked to be on a date with some fella that the back legs of her chair were about to fall off a high ledge behind her and that she may want to readjust or fall backward and bust her tailbone.  And not long ago I told a gal at the lake that her bikini top was coming unhooked in the back.  So I am, #1 - a busy body.... or #2... on a mission to save the world from the embarrassments of life.

Anyway, ....

Finally leaving shopping today, kid 2 spoke words of wisdom when he told me to leave it all behind for now, and don't make an impulse decision.  Now, understand that he was talking as a teenage boy in a craft store wanting to get the heck out of there... but there was wisdom beyond his experience and years in his words.  He was also very correct in suggesting that I eat a candy bar.  

And I like to think that years have brought me wisdom comparable with my years.... hard earned wisdom, in some cases, really.  And with a birthday coming up soon, I have years on my mind.  And I think that time just brings a natural learning curve in so many areas for us.  But along with that comes the learned feelings of worry, of fear, and distrust, the constant companion of self doubt and second guessing.....  And for us ladies, the added cost of additional beauty treatments to boot.  

But I kinda miss having no experience in some things.  Having no knowledge of a broken heart and of disappointment and change.  And I think that the fresh eyes of a child are things of beauty that I wish we could all pull out every now and then. 

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