Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Everyone in this story is naked but me

I was in the kitchen last night making cinnamon rolls like any good mother would do at 10PM on a school night.  Right?  And not at all out of the ordinary, I heard doors slamming and then yelling and what sounded like bodies slamming against walls.  And let me repeat, not at all out of the ordinary for a normal bedtime routine.  But usually they contain this behavior to their bedroom with the door shut.  So I knew when the door kept continually slamming and pictures were falling off walls that this had to be one of those unique and special situations that we moms of multiple boys know all about.  Times that erupt like a sudden thunderstorm with gale force winds. 

Kid 2 then came into the room yelling at me, very animated, and might I add, wild eyed, as if he'd just seen a gruesome bear attack.  Or had inhaled some unhealthy chemical.  And naked.  Everyone in this story is naked but me.  

Now jumping ahead to the end of the story when husband laid down beside me in the bed and patted my head like a sick child... asking if I would be alright after the trauma and using his soothing Fireman Dave voice like he does at work.   Because he worries about me and my delicate bend toward panic in nerve wracking situations.  (I think he mostly worries that I will claim an oncoming heart attack and demand he hook me up to the heart machine at the fire station to convince me otherwise. We have a history.)  

And I told him I just want to bury my head under the covers and pray to not have nightmares.  And also, can he take the boys to live out in the woods until they outgrow this phase please?    Then you know I asked him what I should do in such violent times if he's at work and can't handle the dirty work for me around here.  I think he told me to do just as I was doing right then... hide under the covers till the attack is over,  and hope for a better day tomorrow.  Or something like that.  

So kid 2 was in the boys' bathroom, stepping into the shower, water turned on, soap practically already on is body; ....  When Kid 1 tore into the bathroom, pushed Kid 2 out into the hallway and said he was going to take a shower first.  Then locked the door.  So Kid 2 did his best to knock down the bathroom door, making big brother angry, and causing a flurry of teenage boy emotion.  

Remember everyone is naked in this story but me.  That's very important.  

So the fight moved from the bathroom into my bedroom where they roughed each other up a bit and rearranged furniture and pictures on the wall.  All while I tried to make homemade cinnamon rolls out of love.  So I made my way to the crime scene after being alerted by a yelling and irate Kid 2, and I call for the help of husband who happened to be in the other shower.  He at least took time to wrap a towel around his own naked before he joined in the chaos.  

So husband went into the boys bathroom where Kid 1 had left Kid 2 for dead and had begun his well fought for shower.  More yelling happened, along with other noises that I couldn't quite identify, and in the end Kid 1 got booted out of the bathroom, naked of course, and Kid 2 was restored to his rightful place as first in line for the shower.   I was just an innocent bystander begging everyone to please put on some pants.

Now in the meantime, Kid 3 laid in his bed reading a book.  Because he chose to be sweet and not get involved in things this time around.  He is also apparently over his fear that he had for the longest time after husband showed him a scary movie about a man breaking into a family's home and bludgeoning the dad before our very eyes.  I'm reminded of this because the sounds coming out of our house last night were greatly reminiscent of that horrible movie scene that gave Kid 3 nightmares for months.  So something good came from it all, and we can mark fear of being killed in your own home off his worry list.  

Me.....  I saw a whole lot of naked and raging testosterone that I can't un-see.  I also burned the cinnamon rolls and had to throw them in the trash.  I did end up falling asleep but woke with a little sore throat.  I think from screaming for help in the middle of madness.  I also ended up driving Kid 1 to the high school in my pajamas because the bus didn't show up.  But that gave me the opportunity to express my unhappiness for the events of last night.  Also giving him the warning that though he is a bit taller than Kid 2, I've seen them both in fights before and Kid 2 can totally take him. 

And I feel sure our next-door neighbors on both sides are convinced we're not at all who we say we are.  Thinking to themselves how nice we seem by day.   

Would you like to comment?

  1. ROTFL!!! God bless you and your family, and thanks for writing down all these adventures. The best or I should say the beast is yet to come. LOL!

  2. As always, I love being a part of the Walters family adventures. Your writing paints a vivid picture - fabulous!

  3. oh... it was an adventure, alright... The sight of angry teen naked fighting is forever burned into my memory.


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