Tuesday, April 12, 2016

I know my kids could be doing worse things

I know my kids could be doing worse things.  Like drugs.  Or robbing banks or killing people.  But I also tell myself that when people do bad things they could end up in jail and at least there they're guaranteed room and board for a while.  Lord help me as my mind wanders that path.

Right now I have useless boys sitting on the couch eating tortilla chips while every item of clothing they own is thrown on the floor of their room.  They're also failing school.  Parts of it anyway.   Not all of it, hallelujah, or I wouldn't even have the strength to write this post.  They all happen to be extremely successful in the areas of social skills and gym class.  And I like to think that whatever else happens, they can one day use these talents to get a job or marry a wealthy woman.

Kid 1 is now in love.  And he's learning to play some dandy love songs on his guitar.  But with that going on and no more brain space available, he has no time to do his work in geography class.  The class that his favorite coach teaches.  And I, Kristi Walters, give said coach permission to hit Kid 3 really hard on his head in or out of class to knock some sense into him.   I'll be watching and waiting for the transformation.  

Kid 2 has failing grades in two of his classes right now.  One because algebra is just sucky for most of us.  But as I tell him all the time.... lots of things are sucky.  Even some people.  I can name a few.  However, we do what's right because it's the right thing to do.  It's called integrity, boys.  I've preached those exact words for years and if I ever were to get a tattoo, I think I may just spell this out on a giant part of my body so I can still spread my message, but conserve energy.  

Physics has become a battle between Kid 2 and his teacher over missing papers that he claims the teacher lost -  so he refuses to do them over.  It's really a, Watch me fail your class, mean lady teacher and that'll show you who's boss, kind of attitude.  It is a slow and painful death I'm dying here each day.  

And Kid 3.  Sweet Kid 3 has his head stuck into his phone so much watching basketball videos that he can't find the time to do his work.  However, he can't find the time to do his work in school even when there's not a phone for him to watch basketball videos.  His phone, y'all... was meant to be an Intro to Cell Phone Usage... by giving him the free phone that came with the family plan.  But the family plan didn't mention that the phone could suck his face off.  

My next post for the Dallas Moms Blog will be out in late April and it's a play by play of my last visit to Kid 3's teacher.  That happened last week and I made sure to dress fabulously so I would maintain at least some part of my dignity as I heard how my kid may spend the rest of his life unemployed and eating out of trash cans.  

Then there was the incident that has had me scared for days.  And now I hear bumps in the night and imagine scary people in a black Escalade and a red Honda sedan breaking in our house to chase us.  Kid 1 and his buddy, Kid 4, ran into two cars full of guys looking for trouble one night about a week ago.  These guys saw two kids that they could intimidate, and chased them through a church parking lot and down an alley till the boys found a neighbor out in the yard to  help them.  I love neighbors.  

But now I've got scared kids and a nervous me... and I just don't have time for the drama.  I'm too busy trying to turn my boys into decent people to fit in harassment from outside sources.  

Y'all.  I haven't been in much of a positive parenting place for a while now.  And I have two writing posts due this week for other blogs who kinda depend on me and my words to uplift and encourage.  I ran out of all those things weeks ago.     

In the last week I've had two heart to heart conversations with a couple of my kiddos.  One was with Kid 2 about focus, and where we choose to place it.  It was also about that darn phone and his need to post to the world every little thing so he can always have a place on the page. 

I asked him to give each post this quiz... (These questions come from my morning prayers as I drive to work and pray for the day ahead.)  I always make a point to pray for my presence at work, at home, and on the blog.... and it goes something like this:

1.  Does what I am saying add value to someone's day?  Mine or theirs.

2.  Do the words or photos I share show the real me?  The one I am proud for the world to see?

3.  Do my words glorify God in their message?  

And if the answer is no to any of those things.... just say no.  

I had another talk with Kid 1 last night about some things.  How he has strong emotional responses to certain things and events and almost no response to others.  However, right now at the ripe old age of 15, his responses in the big picture of things are backwards.  Things that are small and will only leave a tiny imprint on his life seem so darn huge right now.  And the ones that should matter the most get little more than a passing glance.  Most of the time, a teenage grunt or shoulder shrug.  

And whether I should or not, I find myself looking at my mothering in so many of these things.  I am forever asking myself if I could've done something better or different so that we wouldn't be where we are right now.  But at the same I try to look at my influence on these boys over time, and give thanks for where we are - no matter what the passing circumstance.   

May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord.  Psalm 19:14

Y'all... this one just keeps popping into my head about all of this.  And I'm trying really hard to put this into practice.  I guess that means I need to keep my cursing to myself. 

post script... no I will never get a tattoo.  I prefer my adornments to be sparkly and set in white gold.  And that social media lecture to my kid?  I am as guilty as the next guy of posting endless blather about not much of anything.  And I have no idea how I managed to have such a mature conversation when the time came.   And finally, yes... I love these boys and I think I'll keep them... no matter what.  

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