Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Did you use my shower as a urinal?

I'm always learning new things as a mom.  For example, I've learned that when I find a utensil of any kind in the boys' room - a dish, a knife, cup.... never put it back in it's place and don't dare use it because there's no telling what happened to it in there. 

And if, say, I find my vegetable scrubbing brush in the boys bathroom, I know to never again scrub a potato with it again.  Because they probably scrubbed their shoes with it.  Or something.

(Because in case you haven't heard, clean shoes are a thing.  Clean shoes are the real deal, the mark of a good man, in fact.  But the shoes have to be bright white and have to be worn with tall socks like I think of old men wearing.   But if you have a scratch or a smudge on your shoes, you'll be banned from the group.  Then you'll come home and try to scrub them with your mom's vegetable brush so you can go back to school the next day.   Your inner city fashion lesson for today.)

Also, did you know that when you get some brand new white shoes that you should not walk like a normal person, because this could cause creases in them.  And then you'll be frowned upon by the it crowd and again, face possible exclusion from ever being popular and accepted again.  So you should walk like Frankenstein.  Then you'll be all kinds of awesome. 

I think I've also reached the millionth time marker of saying the words, Get your hands out of your pants.  I deserve a party for that I think.  Oh my goodness, true story..... I tried to fight fire with fire.  So a couple of times I've even tried to hold conversations with the boys with my hands down my own pants to see if it bothers them.  It doesn't.   

And I really really really had to ask this the other day.... Has someone used my shower as a urinal?  The reply from undisclosed kid 1,2 or 3 was,.... I have not used your shower as a urinal, RECENTLY.

And I still love them.    

I also learned, well... was reminded.... that teenage boys can and will sometimes be mean to their mothers.  Because they think they can.  And probably their mom taught too many aerobics classes that day then came home and scrubbed their filthy bathroom and felt weakened by the whole experience.  Then she probably only had a protein shake and some cantaloupe for lunch because she was in a rush and is also trying to low carb her weekdays to maintain her before- a- certain- age figure, and she's beat down.  Actually she's just exhausted, dirty and doesn't know what to fix for supper or how to help with algebra and may be borderline mad at Kid 1 for ditching Kid 2 at the bus stop that morning.  And she's an easy target for a teenage boy with raging hormone levels and too much time on his hands.

Yes, I'm talking about me.  So then I called Fireman Dave at work and admitted that I had considered violence as the answer, but God saved me from myself and would he please talk to his boys about how to respectfully speak to their mother?   Also that I would be going to bed soon and was holding out high hopes that the boys would lock up, not beat each other up, and Lord willing, find their peaceful places so she can rest and forget this day ever happened.

Then this happened. 

Something about a choke hold, a brother and self defense.   This is in the hallway outside the boys' room. 

And I still love them with an insane kind of love that has to come from above -  because it certainly can't be from my own heart.  That gave out hours before, probably around the time I scrubbed the boys' toilet.  

But y'all, I also remembered that I will sit in multi hour PTA meetings and sell hot dogs at fundraisers and watch Kid 1's football team get stomped 30 something to zero on a hot August night.  I will also pick up kid 2 from school every afternoon till who knows when - until he becomes more comfortable being on the high school bus - and enjoy the ride home, just him and me.  And I will kiss them goodnight every night.  And good morning, every morning.  And I will forgive their nonsense and chalk it up to a growth spurt of the spirit.  Because of grace.  Y'all.  Because of grace that moves me beyond my own weaknesses and onto bigger and better things.  

And I will support them and pray for them.  And I will never stop correcting and guiding till they are molded into the shape of that God size hole inside them.  Again, because of grace.  And because of love.

And I will remember that I made mistakes too.  And that I would've given my world for someone to hold me close and love me anyway.   

Post script.... someday I hope to be a blogger with pretty pictures in every post.  But for now, I hope you enjoyed the picture of the hole in our wall.  I can take a picture of the hole in the shower wall and share that one next time if you like.

Would you like to comment?

  1. Christi Harris-LazaroSeptember 7, 2016 at 9:07 PM

    Oh please let the shoe phase pass quickly. I can't take it! By the way, toothbrushes work well too and a wet towel and steam iron may or may not remove those creases...and walking in grass is a big no no! Crazy boys!

  2. Love your post and your honesty! Grace goes a long way in life, and you obviously understand the importance of it. Kristi, you are an amazing writer and parent.


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