Sunday, May 7, 2017

I don't even know what to title this post......

Today Fireman Dave denied knowing me.  In public, to actual people.  I feel certain that he has done this exact thing on a more private level over our time together, but this time it was at a park, to some moms, including one I know.  Apparently at an official fire department function showing preschoolers and toddlers the fire engine and entertaining the ladies with his man in uniform charm....

So along comes a gal and asks him if he knows any firemen around there with a wife named Kristi.  WITH. A. WIFE. NAMED. KRISTI.  First clue, her name is Kristi, second clue, she is someone's wife, third clue, her husband is fireman.  He couldn't think of anyone.  Had this been a game show, he just lost a car and a trip to the Bahamas. 

So then he asked her if she knew this particular Kristi's last name.  By that time he has her all confused and checking facts on her phone to see if I've made up this whole being married to Fireman Dave thing..... but a faint memory from the past hits him all of a sudden, a memory from about 1999, the Fall maybe?   ..... possibly a wedding.  Oh yes, he thinks.  I sort of  remember  someone named Kristi, .....  but hello Kristi's cute friend and faithful blog reader who was probably still wearing her adorable tennis skirt,... How YOU doin?  Your smile and perky personality all but made me forget that I AM FIREMAN DAVE!

Then he called home to tell me about it because he knows that around these parts, I have eyes and ears everywhere.  And the best defense is a good offense, or something like that.  I forget.  Anyway, I'm sure everyone enjoyed the park party and the fire engine and all went home the better for it.  That's totally what counts, right? 

At that very time, though, I was at home washing dishes with an odd new hair color.  Which is actually two separate stories, altogether.  But in case you, also, don't remember or don't recognize me in the days to come, let me introduce myself.  Hi, I'm Kristi Walters and I write a blog and occasionally do some other things like parent some kids and try to keep them out of jail.  Totally kidding, y'all.  It's a joke.  

And the dish washing part of the story?  .... not a hobby of mine at all.  But the dishwasher has been broken for years months, weeks and when we tried to repair it we found out that it had nearly caught on fire.  That would actually be our second dishwasher fire in the history of this family, but I hate to brag. 

Here's an actual picture of me today working around the house while Fireman Dave was about town doing fireman things with young children and their cute moms. 

See how I totally finished all the chores then put on a cleavage baring top and served the kids some frozen foods on a tray?   

It has been one of those weeks that I have to ask myself why I do half the things I do.  I once again got emotionally tackled by Kid 1 over the now deleted post about him and his lady love.  I was spoken to by Kid 2 on at least two occasions as if he had just awakened me from my nursing home sleep as I sat dozing in my wheelchair and bathrobe in front of As The World Turns.  And I felt frustrated at the multiple signs of life moving on and the obvious changes that take place because of it.  Including, but not limited to my pants size, my inability to grow alluring eyelashes and I guess what really matters, the fact that I am running out of usable time and space to make a difference in these boys' lives.  

I was telling the boys that one of the reasons that I chose to stay home full time with them when they were little was the fact that children form so many important pieces of their personalities and mental and emotional functioning from birth to age three.  And I found myself wishing that I could speak to whoever decided that age three was the cut off age to determine if any of my kids will grow up to be serial killers and how I want to ask them to give me at least until they are of legal age to shut that parenting door.  

My sweet friend and neighbor was telling me this week about when she was raising her three kids, and how she always felt like they were never the ideal picture of three little birds sitting on a telephone line, all facing the same direction, all with eyes focused on the same goal.  Instead she said she always felt like she had at least one upside down and one facing backwards.  And I told her that that's kinda been my theory of motherhood all along... that one kid at a time tends to be the challenge, that in my experience anyway, they tend to stagger their episodic outbursts of rebellion and exploration so we can handle each event with the time and care that it needs.  Not always, though,....I have to say that in case the gods of children acting the fool are reading this post today.  

But I ran across a particular Bible verse this week, too.  And the more I thought about it, the more I think its a really good fit for this week as we inch toward Mothers Day.  

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.  Philippians 1:6

Y'all, oh my gosh.  Is this a promise that we all need to hear today and everyday?  I say yes please and can you please make that a to go order?  Because I need this verse to stay with me every step of the way as I am navigating some pretty deep emotional waters these days.  Mostly my own emotionally charged waters, not the kids'.  I need this verse to pour itself into my heart so deeply that when I question all that I have been through up until this point, that I can be 100% sure that it was because it was an investment of good work, put there by Christ who sees exactly the end result.  

And as a parent?   I can see in these words that the good work that God began in me by placing me in the job of Mom to Kids 1, 2, and 3 - has never been without a plan.  And that the good work that he allowed me to begin will be faithfully completed in them until such time that we are through with this world.  

I think sometimes as moms we lose hope.  And then we lose faith.  And Y'all, that's all on top of how we've already lost all our energy and probably some chunks of hair along the way.  And then we're asked to sit at a restaurant table and be celebrated on a particular day in May, when all we really want is to be guaranteed that our work is good.... that our work is for our children's good. 

I love how certain verses find their way to me when I need them the most.  And what I hear this one saying to me right now ... is that its okay to just take it all in this coming Mothers Day weekend.  Sit back for a bit, and take note of the good work that God is doing with my mothering efforts. 
post script  - I actually don't love Mothers Day anymore than I love my birthday or any other occasion that draws attention toward me and my life's achievements.  But the day is coming, and I hope to at least get a good meal and someone to take out that trash in celebration thereof.  I'll let you know.  

post post script - the hair will be okay.  So everyone that looked at me oddly on Monday can rest assured that I ran by the Target on my way home and got a box of something wonderful and now I'm looking a whole lot more like myself.  And feeling like it too.  Yay for whoever dreamed up a box full of hair highlights for under $10 - complete with a nifty plastic cap.  I owe you one.  

Would you like to comment?

  1. Looking in from the outside, I'd say it looks to me like you've done a wonderful job as a mom. You have 3 handesome, intelligent young men who I know will make good life choices. A mother's love for her children only grows stronger with each passing year and when the path we're hoping they'll follow has a couple of bumps in it, it gets a little scary...A lot scary! All we can do is love them and try to help them steer back as close to that path as possible. Remind them here and there that there's nothing quite like family,so, first and foremost, protect them and respect them. I think you are too hard on yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back and let your family honor you on Mother's Day....You deserve it!

    1. I know... darn it all. I'm always the hardest on myself, and I hate to think this, but what if I'm the one who is hardest on the boys? They may tell the world that I've completely nailed that role in their lives. And I actually happen to think that Kids 1, 2 and 3 are amazing in their own sweet ways.... but I also never want to be one of those mom bloggers that write about how amazing my kids are. That's a sure fire way of inviting trouble if I ever heard of one. I guess the hardest part of watching them growing up is that I'm no longer the one making all the choices. I miss the days when I could just pick them up and put them in a crib or a car seat or in a school program of my choosing. Now they have thoughts and plans of their very own, and that's where so much of my writing comes from. I think its just my own way of working through the separation process. But they are indeed some fine young men and I am proud of each of them. I so love your comment about respecting them.... I needed to hear that today. I need to remind myself that though they are my kids, they are their own people, and the best gift I can give them is my support. I'm trying. And I'm glad you're reading with me along the way. Thank you.

  2. Kristi,
    I'm sorry, I never saw your reply to my comment. In my comment above, I wasn't trying to tell you that you needed to respect your children. I worded that wrong. I know you do. I was trying to say remind them now and then that family comes first so always respect and protect your family first. Their minds get a little clouded when it comes to girls and other things so it's okay to set them straight...until their married at least... and maybe then some! haha! I think boys just have a harder time showing their appreciation for all we do. I think I've demanded on one or two occasions that mine tell me they appreciate me! We love hard.
    You're a good mom!

    1. I sure have some supportive readers..... thank you. I could've definitely used this comment yesterday when girls and other things clouded their young brains into forgetting to be respectful. The teen years are proving to be a battle that I never saw coming. But I know I'm not the first and wont be the last to fight that monster.... I trust in parents who have done it before me for the best advice. Thank you for spending time with me and my pirates and thieves...


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