Sunday, June 25, 2017

There are zero carbs in birthdays

It's summer and there are dishes everywhere.  And food.  And cheese wrappers by the dozen, found in chair cushions and under things and just wherever someone decided to eat some cheese.  I never knew there were so many cheese eating choices.

And Fireman Dave and I are trekking along our low carb eating plan, still, and I seem to get more resentful every day about people who can eat bread.  I think, no... I'm sure....  I gave a mean look to one of my instructor friends the other day because she was wearing some really cute and tiny white shorts.  Because in the blink of an eye, my sugar starved body experienced both jealousy and rage.  And THAT was my reaction toward someone I actually like and think is adorable.  I also fussed at a gym member for raising the window shades in the group ex classroom.  That could also be blamed on hunger and deprivation, or simply the fact that sometimes I can be mean. 

But Y'all, here's the rundown of summer so far.  No trips or vacations yet.  But we've got a little something planned soon.  Kids 1 and 2 both got jobs as lifeguards this summer, maybe I already told you that - and their schedules combined with mine and that of a fireman that works his own set of crazy hours plus some exhausting overtime  - coupled with everyone sharing cars is proving to be the summer challenge of a lifetime.  As we speak Kid 1 is not so happy because he's trying to get to a friend's house and probably considering hitchhiking instead of waiting our turn for the car.   

We've managed a few trips to the pool already and that's really one of my favorite places.  Give me a lawn chair and some dappled sunlight and I'm set for the afternoon.

We also discovered that the Dallas Arboretum is open late on Wednesdays and its not crowded.  Did you hear that part?  It's not crowded - so you should definitely go for a picnic.  

We did,  and all three boys went with us.  Or should I say men?  I took this picture walking in.  I love pictures taken when they don't know about it.  And I love when I can get them all in the same place at the same time without beating up on each other.  

They ended up playing an aggressive game of catch with a dinner roll until it was pretty much only crumbs.  That's what happens when parents make teens go on picnics in order to get fed their dinner.  Desperate times and all.... 

And I haven't written for any publication in weeks, even my own.  Seems that I am completely devoid of thought.  Except for the fact that I have been searching for an opportunity to use the word devoid in a correct sentence.  I even emailed my church yesterday and told them I was lacking in wisdom so count me out of writing for a while.  I blame carb depletion.  Or maybe I just need time to soak up some rest and relaxation and inspiration from someone else. 

And I hope that may be a little girl in Uganda named Loyce.  She is my new pen pal and she's adorable.  I know I'll never meet her.  And I know that writing letters is just writing letters.  But I also know that reaching out beyond myself is the best way to move from this stuck spot that I've been in for a while.  You know.... I've never been one for sitting still for long.  So I'm hoping to step outside my recent set of confines and shower this little doll with letters of love, encouragement, and some lessons about a different culture.  (And a care package or two -let me know if you want to add anything to the box.  Or even give me some ideas of what a 10 or 11 year old girl might like). 

I can't wait to find out more about her.   This picture was taken just a few days ago, right before the sun was setting in a village outside Kempala, Uganda, as she was taking water back to her home.  I heard that jug of water was pretty heavy so it's easier to just leave it up on her head for a photo op rather than having to lower and lift it again.  She knows the drill. 

Hello sweet Loyce!  Watch for the mailman soon.  

Insert blog post PAUSE button here.  

Y'all, I wrote the above words yesterday.  Then today happened and I think I waved my white surrender flag at least three times.  I guess I was frustrated that it was Kid 1's birthday, and I love that part.  I really really really do.  But that he couldn't muster up enough energy to speak a full sentence to us at his birthday lunch, I find those things hard.  True confessions of an emotional mom.  

But as Fireman Dave said, it could be worse.  Because the kid's actually on the exact path we prayed for him 17 years ago - that he not be on drugs.  Check.  That he not be in jail.  Check.  And that he be living the full promise of his life as God would have, not that we would have.  Can't decide whether to check this box or not yet.  Lord help Kristi as she tries to pretend that her kids are still little and that they give a darn about what she wants for their lives. 

So please be patient with me again in this writing as I deal with the fact that maybe I'm the one who is not on the path I'm supposed to be on.  Maybe watching 17 years fly by so fast got me all confused about how I'm supposed to feel about these successes and separations.  And maybe he is supposed to be totally overwhelmed with love with Princess You Know Who, and planning all the what's nexts with her and not us.  

Maybe.  Maybe not.  

My mom instinct is betting on the maybe not.  But the me that loves that boy with more love than a heart can hold knows that I need to encourage and lead by example, not words.  And maybe that means taking the boy out to a birthday lunch, even in some very pronounced and uncomfortable silence;  and gifting him not only with what's in that gift wrapped box, but with my patience and understanding.  I'm trying, though I honestly admit to giving up time and again in private.... and in some fairly dramatic one act plays with Fireman Dave.  

I've decided that my heart can't really deal with the full reality of what I see right now.  Not at his age.  But my mind can.  Because I was 17 once as well.  And I'm trying to give him the grace that I never got.  Trying and doing turn out to be two totally different things in my world.  

I think I'll start by fueling up with a piece of chocolate birthday cake and see where it goes.  There are zero carbs in birthdays, I heard. 

Y'all, that's it for now.  Happy summer. 

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